Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wish you could order shots online.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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