I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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