You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
