just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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