Nicole vs. Life
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
