Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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