woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
