just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
