FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
