My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
