I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
