I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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