it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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