so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
