Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
