is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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