my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize