then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you would pick up someone in the library
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
