I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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