i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
