That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize