I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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