I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
