My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
