just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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