it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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