i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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