ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
