when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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