Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
