Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
