I want to make a zoo with you.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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