im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
