If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
