I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
And the cops told us we were all naked.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
