Only a mothe r could love this liver
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
