I understand Curling. That high.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
