"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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