It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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