My underwear smells like fireworks.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
