is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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