matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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