I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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