butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
