what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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