Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize