Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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