Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
