these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
