Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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