I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
