There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Randomize
