You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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