does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Help me help you realize you are a moron
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
