I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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