I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
