I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
