Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Randomize
