my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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