Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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