I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
