I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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