**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
