I want to stick my p in your. b.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize