I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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