Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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