omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
